My sister, Casey, sent me this to give me ideas for my future Walmart shopping. I recommend this to others.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is
like most women - she loved to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local
Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite
a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have
been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against
Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video
surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading
to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag
of M&M's on layaw ay.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he
began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you p eople just leave me alone?'
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used
it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through yelled, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed, 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE
VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least. . .
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door,
waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper
in here!'
preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is
like most women - she loved to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local
Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite
a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have
been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against
Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video
surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading
to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag
of M&M's on layaw ay.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he
began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you p eople just leave me alone?'
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used
it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through yelled, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed, 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE
VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least. . .
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door,
waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper
in here!'
Posts
this sounds a lot like my adventures to wal-mart.
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