da green boots

I was once dubbed "redneck Armani." I liked this title and it was given to me when I showed up in my Ford Ranger, Ethyl Betty, wearing a tie.

Which brings me to my green, rubber boots with yellow shoe laces bought at K-mart a couple of winters ago for $9.99. I wanted to go sledding with my niece and nephew (snowboarding, actually) but I didn't have boots. I didn't need boots in Kentucky like I did and do in New York, so I went economical and blue light special. They were fine for a day of sledding and kept my feet dry.

They are ugly, calf-high clogs, actually. They're dorky, and I'll never forget Keith William's and Andrew Pillow's expressions when they saw me wearing them to a basketball game. Yes, they are the epitome of uncool and I love them for that. I've used my boots to unplug flooded drains in the street, to trudge through mud looking for Baby, and to present myself on the catwalk of life. They are warm, practical and silly, which makes me smile every time I put them on. A man has to take pride in what he wears on his feet.